In Mind and Heart
by Kindre Turnany
Summary: He remembered a time when the same thing wouldn't really have bothered him, but Finn liked to think he'd grown or something since then. Grown like in his mind and heart since he didn't need to be getting much taller.


My second Gleefic ever. Because I'm getting impatient waiting for season two to start, and there wasn't much in the way of special features on the first season box set. I don't own Glee, don't claim to, don't want to, and will never make money off claiming to.

I heart reviews, btw. Even ones that say "wait, zombies?"

Just speed edited for tense shifts because, whoops, should've noticed those Before I posted it.

**In Mind and Heart**

Finn was pretty sure this was a stupid conversation, and not in any of the ways he might've called stupid good. It wasn't stupid funny, and it wasn't stupid, time-wasting, nonsensical fun. It was the kind of stupid that made him want to hit something.

He remembered a time when the same thing wouldn't really have bothered him, but Finn liked to think he'd grown or something since then. Grown like in his mind and heart since he didn't need to be getting much taller.

"Yeah, well thank God he's gone now at least. It freaks me out to know he's probably watching us," Karofsky complained loudly as he wrapped his towel around his waist and moved over to the lockers.

"I know. I thought our new coach wouldn't be such a fag-lover. Then I found out it was a… well, I think it's a woman but what woman coaches football?" Azimio laughed at his own joke, but Finn didn't tell him it was tacky. He clenched his fists and tried not to scream.

The guys had always talked like this about Kurt, even before he joined (and now rejoined because there wasn't another decent kicker in all of Ohio, it seemed like) the team. It hadn't been as bad when Kurt played shower ninja, washing when no one else was in the locker room. Coach Beiste had told him that was no way for a man to act and ordered him to shower when everyone else did. Finn had to beg Kurt to stay on the team after that.

He slammed his locker shut, pretending it was Karofsky's face. Or maybe a crazy sharp bladed contraption that would slice the jerk's head in half when Finn closed it. He liked that one. Even better if he then fed Karofsky's brains to his loyal pack of zombies (they follow him everywhere doing his bidding so long as it's death-related, and that's how he got Karofsky's head off his shoulders in the first place).

In the hall, Kurt sat heavily against the wall even though he always said he can't sit on the floor in his… um… that one brand that cost too much type of pants. The smaller boy leapt to his feet when he saw Finn. He was smiling, but the quarterback is pretty sure Kurt's upset. He's also pretty sure that the reason Kurt stopped here was that he heard what Karofsky said. And heard Finn not say a thing in his defense. Finn fidgeted with the strap of his backpack to avoid looking Kurt in the eyes because that last part made him feel bad even though he knew he couldn't do anything to stop them.

Kurt practically skipped down the hallway, but he didn't touch Finn, not even to try and make him do that _Wizard of Oz_ thing. Which was cool because Finn wasn't about to skip down the hallways at school, but it also kind of sucked because Kurt's touchy-feely when he's happy but avoids contact when he's sad. Finn doesn't remember how he knows that, and he doesn't think it matters so long as he remembers the important parts. There were too many football plays, musical numbers, historical dates, Spanish words, math rules, and non-awesome science being shoved into his brain for everything to stick. They could at least teach him how to blow things up. He knew the advanced chemistry kids got to.

"Hey, man, wait up," Finn called down the hall. He was a little surprised when Kurt stoped because this was how he acted when he was going to run to the car and not say anything until they get home and he tells Finn he won't scream.

Finn remembered the time Kurt did scream, and it freaked him out. He thought they were being robbed by a mutant with a chainsaw. But mostly it was just Kurt being frustrated. Sometimes he still heard Kurt scream into his pillow, and Finn wanted to say it's okay to let it out. But he was kind of afraid of what would happen then because it scared him to see Kurt lose control like that.

"Did you forget your phone again? Because I meant it when I said we'd leave it the next time." Kurt crossed his arms and looked down his nose at Finn.

"No, it's just…" he didn't know which words to use because he's never been great at this kind of talk. "Those guys are dicks. You're way too awesome to listen to them." He's said worse.

Kurt's eyes widened even though they seemed too big to start with, and his lips moved without making any sound for a moment. "Thanks, Finn."

"And I'm sorry." He'd wanted to say that from the start, but it wasn't nearly as easy.

"What for? You didn't do anything."

"Yeah, that. And for before when I _did_ do something, but it was the same thing they did." He carefully studied his shoes.

It was always weird when Kurt hugged him because Finn usually couldn't tell if it was a good hug or a be-gay-for-me hug. This one felt good, and Kurt was crying, so it was like a sad hug too maybe. Finn felt a little bad for calling a tear-filled hug _good,_ but it made him uncomfortable when Kurt flirted with him. Because he wanted to be friends, but friendship went both ways, and sometimes Kurt seemed to ignore friendship way in favor of, well, flirting.

Finn hugged Kurt back and said something. He thought it was about getting home. Whatever it was, Kurt agreed and linked arms with him to walk the rest of the way to the car. At least he didn't try to make Finn skip.

They sang along with the radio on the drive home but don't speak. Neither of them said a word until they were sitting on the couch. Finn's mouth was full of peanut butter and bread when Kurt tells him, "I'm sorry too, Finn."

Finn would have asked what for, but his tongue was peanut-butter glued to the roof of his mouth. It had nothing to do with meaningful conversations or things he was afraid to say or hear.

"I didn't like you because you were a great guy whose moral integrity stood him above his peers. I liked you because you were the quarterback, and everyone likes the quarterback, so it was almost like fitting in. Except I supposed I should have faked a crush on Quinn for that logic to work out. My point is: I wasn't thinking, and I know I haven't always been the best friend to you because I'm too busy thinking about… nothing appropriate, anyway." Except for the last part, that all came out in such a rush that Finn didn't have to worry about what "moral integrity" meant. He got the picture.

"Oh." He took a great gulp of milk to clean out his mouth before continuing. "Does that mean you don't like me anymore?"

"I never said that. I liked you for the wrong reasons before, and I let that influence me to take the wrong actions. I am perfectly capable of liking you _and_ being friends with you. I know you don't feel the same way, and that's okay. But it takes more than a little guilt and the sight of you with sandwich smeared all over your face to move on."

Finn wiped his mouth, but hardly anything came off. Kurt liked to exaggerate. "Okay." He felt like a dick when he realized he was happy Kurt still liked him, even though he didn't like Kurt. Not that way, at least. But… so many people had stopped liking Finn in so many ways, it made him feel a little special to be Kurt's crush. Even if it made sharing a room awkward. Well, the addition was almost finished, so they wouldn't have to share much longer.

"Finn, you astound me with your breathtaking eloquence."

"You're making fun of me."

"How could you tell?"

Finn shrugged. "That's the main reason you use words you know I don't know and look at me with your chin facing like that."

"Like what?" Kurt raised his fingers to his chin like he'd be able to feel what Finn was talking about.

"It's pretty much the same as your other expressions. You stick your chin out a lot."

"I do not!" Kurt shoved a piece of orange in his mouth.

"When talking to people, I mean."

"I do not!" This time he said it with a mouthful of fruit, and Finn couldn't help but laugh. But since _he_ had a fresh mouthful of peanut butter sandwich, it didn't work out as well as he would have planned. He half choked, and Kurt laughed at him as payback.


End file.
